Dear Nic and Igor,
I bought my girlfriend a box of chocolates, but on the way to her house I ate almost the whole box! What should I do when she opens the box and sees it’s almost empty?
Chocolate Stealer
Dear Stealer,
When she opens the box, look at her in a dead stare and say, “I didn’t think you needed the whole box. It’ll help
you in the long run.”
Dear Nic and Igor,
I really wanted a snuggie for Christmas, but my parents just bought me a stupid ol’ robe. What should I do to get my snuggie?
Snuggie Lover
Dear Snuggie Lover,
You should shut up and deal with what you have! Life isn’t perfect you selfish little brat!
Dear Nic and Igor,
So there is this person I like, and I want to do something with them for Valentine’s Day, but there is one problem. They have put a restraining order on me, and they always tell me to stay away from them. What can I do to get them to go out with me?
Restrained
Dear Restrained,
Tie him to the front of your car, and drive around town doing cookies and stuff. Tell him that he isn’t getting untied until he promises to go on that Valentine’s Day date with you.
Dear Nic and Igor
Last year I was going to have a wonderful Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend but then he dumped me and used my ideas on his new girlfriend. I don’t want to use the same ideas so what can I do to get them back from him?
Mad Girlfriend
Dear Mad,
We say . . . make his life horrible for the next year, then marry his best friend.
